Diptych #6: A Sense of Anemoia

12.16.20 Forgotten people laid to rest in forgotten places.

Last week, I felt homesick, but I’m not sure what for. The feeling was familiar, sure. I’ve left the twisting of my stomach at the very thought of never passing by those rows of familiar houses ever again before but it wasn’t what I missed. One thing I love to do when I have feelings I can’t explain is to look up lists of words with no known English equivalent. Often, even if I don’t find the perfectly relatable word that I’m looking for in that moment, a word or two will catch my eye and occupy my mind for awhile.

anemoia - n. nostalgia for a time you’ve never known

I’ve always loved the idea of having languages within languages. I love code and the words I made up with my friends as a child, hell, English itself is a language containing practically every European language. So when I discover a new word that may or may not be in the dictionary yet, it doesn’t seem less real to me if it isn’t. Once it’s spoken, a word is a word.

It’s hard to know what exactly my brain or heart thinks it’s missing because these aren’t vague ideas of friends or hometowns or songs. More often than not, what I tend to find myself missing are moments I should have enjoyed more. Time spent with people I didn’t know would be our last. Photographs without words written on the back. Sometimes I miss a funeral because it was the last time a close friend lifted me off my feet with a hug. Sometimes I miss a show or a car ride or a walk or just a time when I felt peace. The other day I missed the way a close one’s truck’s heater would smell on a cold morning trip up the mountain.

I don’t want these moments back to relive them. I wouldn’t do anything differently, given the chance. I just want important moments like today to last a little longer. I don’t want to have to keep photographs to remember how I feel. I don’t want to have to write these words to remind myself to be present next time I’m around people I care about. And most of all, I just want this season to end so moments like this aren’t so far apart.

See you soon.

—Forrest

All photos in this entry were taken with an Olympus OM-D E-M1 MKII with a Vivitar 28mm f/2.8 Auto Lens + RJ 0.71x Speedbooster. Link to Indigo's Instagram here, and please check out their beautiful songs below <3