Late Night Sleepycore
virtual channel surfing #4
You feel the familiar sense of abrupt horror as you jolt awake. The misery of the dream you’d been experiencing quickly leaves your brain as you’re left with just the anxious lump in your throat. The clock on the VCR is blinking “12:00 A.M.”. Had the power gone out or did you forget to set it again? You can’t quite remember what you were watching before you drifted off to sleep, but you know for certain it wasn’t this trash.
You check your watch, now plastered to your wrist with sweat. You can almost feel your heartbeat pulse where the watchband has dug into your skin. It’s 3AM, and with no chance of falling back asleep soon, you decide to scan your extended cable package for something to occupy the time it will take to calm down and grow tired enough again to fall asleep once more.
You have a thought though, as you peruse the channels. Everything seems a little too familiar. How many times have you seen the hands of your watch rest on the three and the twelve? How many of these low effort productions have you had the distinct displeasure of watching before? Maybe that’s not even the first time tonight.
You put on an infomercial for a product you find somewhat useless but amusing and then another. It’s a vegetable chopper. You feel tired enough to sleep, but something keeps you awake, even as the cold blue light of dreary morning turns the blinds into seersucker panels of soft radiance. You decide to turn the TV off and head to bed, but the power button on the remote won’t work. Maybe the batteries are dead, when was the last time you changed them anyway?
You feel stiff as you rise to walk over to the TV to hit the power button, but just as you touch the indent on the side of the unit, you feel the familiar sense of abrupt horror as you jolt awake once again.
Feeling Fine: Back Pain Relief
1987 | Runtime: 38 Minutes
This program will help you eliminate back pain from your life by correcting the problems that cause such pain. The program is easy to follow and fun to do. If you have back trouble, use it regularly. You'll be able to enjoy life more without the constant threat of back pain. Start now. Best wishes to you for good health always.
BACK PAIN RELIEF is a program for people with recurring or chronic back pain due to poor physical conditioning, tension or improper use of the body. It is also appropri- ate for healthy people who want a preventative program against back pain. The program includes stretching and strengthening exercises, a relaxation training routine, and information that will help you to get through your daily activities without injuring your back. You should talk to your doctor before using this program if:
•You are having any new or unusual pain
•You have had back surgery
•You have a medical condition that affects your back such as arthritis or osteoporosis
Growing Younger: A Practical Guide To Lifelong Youth With Deepak Chopra
1994 | Runtime 55 Minutes
It's a fact! You have more power over your own aging process than you ever imagined, and it all begins with the intriguing mind-body connection. In this illuminating video, eminent physician and best-
selling author Dr. Deepak Chopra reveals the easy, everyday techniques you can use for staying active, alert, trim and strong - no matter what your age. With the surprisingly simple secrets you'll discover in Growing Younger, you'll learn how to have more energy during the day, better sleep at night and the ability to enjoy life to the fullest, year after year and decade after decade.
As a former teacher at Tufts University and Boston University medical schools, practicing endocrinologist and current Executive Director of the Institute for Mind-Body Medicine and Human Potential at Sharp Health Care in San Diego, California, Dr. Chopra is uniquely qualified to dispel the many long-accepted myths about aging. In their place, he has created a practical, seven-point program that's easy to follow and that puts you - not the calendar - in control of every aspect of your life. See for yourself, and start Growing Younger today!
Heart Yoga by Amy S. Kline Gage
How To Set And Achieve Goals With Bobbe Sommer
1989 | Runtime 105 minutes
You've heard the saying, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." Well, it's true. The first step to achieving your goals is to know yourself. That means deciding what you want in life, not what someone else wants for you. In this program, you'll do some soul-searching. You'll discover what's really important to you...and you'll identify negative behaviors that may be holding you back. Then, in Volume II, you'll create a personal Action Plan, a step-by- step blueprint for making your own dreams a reality. This is your chance to do the one thing most other people will never do for themselves: Take control over your life, by setting and achieving your goals. Use the skills presented in this program and you'll be able to:
• Understand how childhood experiences can influence your goal-setting
• Learn to eliminate what you don't want
• Overcome conditions that make you settle for less than you're worth
• Use Geometric Psychology to pinpoint your motivators
• And many more life-changing ideas
YOUR PRESENTER: BOBBE SOMMER, Ph.D. Anyone who can write a book titled Never Ask a Cactus for a Helping Hand has no trouble entertaining an audience. And when you listen to Bobbe Sommer, the first thing that will strike you is her joy for life. She's made an ex- citing, creative career by helping other people capture that same sort of happiness. Trained as a psychotherapist, Bobbe is a sought-after speaker by national organizations, corporations and businesses, both large and small. She is also a popular media personality who has been featured in Working Woman magazine and on the CBS Morning News.
Ernst & Young and Kiplinger Guide To Retirement Security
1989 | Runtime 55 minutes
No matter how far away retirement seems, it's not too early to begin planning. How much money will you need? Where will it come from? How can you know whether you'll have enough? This new videotape, hosted by Washington, D.C., television reporter, John Spiropoulos, has answers to these questions and more from the accounting firm of Ernst & Young and the editors of Changing Times, Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine.
Don't make the mistake of thinking Social Security and your company pension plan will provide an adequate retirement income. You have to plan for your own financial resources. The videotape and accompanying 80-page guide- book will help you determine:
• how much your pension plan and social security benefits will be worth
• whether to invest in an IRA, 401(k) plan, Keogh or annuity
• how to save and invest your earnings for the future
• how to make tax-smart financial decisions
• how to guard against spiraling medical costs
• where you can live comfortably and economically
The video also features interviews with retirees, who talk about what they did right and what they'd change if they could do it over again.
Winchester Muzzleloading Instructional Video
2001 | Runtime 20 Minutes
Join O'Neill Williams, host of Blackpowder Guns & Hunting, and Nate Treadaway, National Sales Manager of Winchester Muzzleloading, as they introduce you to the basics of in-line muzzleloading.
• Introduction to Safety
• Safety unique to Muzzleloaders
• General Gun Description
• Cleaning Procedures
• Maintenance for you in-line
• Approved propellants Recommended Projectiles
• Loading & Shooting
• Sighting In
Well, that’s it for this week! I hope you enjoyed the tapes! If you’re looking for more, please check out my page on Archive.org for the full list of digitized media. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message right here or drop a comment below. If you haven’t already, please check out this previous installment of Virtual Channel Surfing! or any of my other previous posts here. Thanks so much for checking out this week’s edition of Diptych!
See you soon!
—Forrest
Workout videos these days have no vibe. Completely vibe-less. It's insulting!