Okay, so what if I told you Harry Potter from the hit young adult novel and movie series Harry Potter was evil...
Virtual Channel Surfing #11
It’s cold at first. You’re certain that’s what woke you up. Or maybe it was just your turn to awake. You start to get your bearings, but all you can see is a vast forest ahead of you. Up ahead there’s a few lights in front of a castle, it’s the only landmark of detail you can make out in the dark, but it’s so far away it looks impossible. There’s got to be miles of forest between you and shelter and it’s starting to rain.
The path is vague, but you feel like if you can just calm down for a second, you could focus up and follow it. You think about your parents. Where are they? Do they know you’re out here at night? How did you get here? Are they worried? Do castles have phones? Are they pay phones? You don’t have a quarter.
Your mouth is dry. You think about how good a few sips directly from the faucet would taste right now. You hear something in the distance that sounds like people talking. The woods are thick and harder still to navigate now that you’re off the path, but the grassy undergrowth helps mask your footsteps as you navigate around where you heard the voices. From behind an old-growth tree that you can’t identify the type of, even though you just went over dendrology in class, you peer in the direction of the people speaking, just barely peaking your head around the trunk.
What you see can’t be real. Half Man. Half… Horse? Maybe donkey? Mule? The Greek called them something, but you can’t remember what it was. Was it these things that took you from your bed on your 11th Birthday? Why would they do that? What do they eat? You haven’t felt safe since you woke up, but now every option, every action feels dangerous. Hiding, being still and quiet seems like a plan but how long will these… things be around.
You peer back around the tree and located the path again. The… things have their backs turned. Definitely half horse. You decide to run for it but your feet wont move the way you want them to. Suddenly, you’re waking up for a second time. You shoot up and look over at the nightstand to see the time, as you feel something slide off the side of the bed and hit the floor with a thud.
The combination alarm clock and radio blinks 4:44am as you reach down and pick up what fell. It’s a copy of the new hit book Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. You decide you’re never reading it again.
The rounded rectangle screen in the living room flickers for a moment before it slowly fades to life from black. Maybe some paid programming will get the bad dream out of your head. You flick through the options. The Encyclopedia Britannica —seen it… The Flowbee… —seen it! Ginsu Knives, Ron Popeil’s Pasta Maker, The Amazing Elastic Plastic Balloon —it’s all been done before. It’s too early for cartoons, you think, but as you flick through channels, you catch the credits from an episode of Veggie Tales on TBN.
Maybe they’ll play another episode? Your mouth is dry, so while the credits roll, you go get a sip of water. Directly from the faucet, just like God intended at this time of night. You return to the living room just as the programming switches over. Trinity Broadcasting Network is presenting an exposé on the evils of the Harry Potter Series.
It’s impossible to look away.
Harry Potter: Witchcraft Repackaged
2001 | Runtime: 65 Minutes
Does Witchcraft actually have power? If so, what is its source? Does the Harry Potter series' presentation of Witchcraft make it any more acceptable just because it is packaged as "children's fantasy literature"?
Best-selling authors Robert S. McGee and Caryl Matrisciana answer these questions and draw parallels between Harry Potter and true Witchcraft as practiced today with actual footage of witches, their rituals, spells and interviews. Viewers will discover similarities with Harry Potter and Witchcraft in Mother Goddess, Meditation, Black Magic, Curses & Spells, Divination & Sorcery, Occult symbology, Evolution & Reincarnation, Demon possession, Seasonal/ nature celebrations, Communing with the dead & spirit world, "Dark" aspects of Witchcraft, and more.
Young readers today, more than any other time in history, have an abundance of occult resources easily available to them. Get information on how you can protect your family from access to occult infiltration on the internet. Learn how to answer difficult questions and clearly explain the symbols in the Harry Potter series to your children, grandchildren and concerned friends.
Tom Owen's Louisville Volume 1:
1999 | Runtime 55 Minutes
Features Tom Owen at his best, telling clever and humorous anecdotes about characters and events along this important corridor of time. "My goal," Dr. Owen declares, "is to give voice to all the physical evidence of Main Street's vibrant past. Since pioneer times, Main Street has been the center of much of Louisville's history."
Ranging from Third Street to Roy Wilkins Boulevard - old Ninth Street Tom Owen offers his distinctive take on the buildings, events and characters of this historic thoroughfare. Be treated to a ringside seat for Louisville's triumphs and occasional folly. If Tom Owen's leading the way, you know it's going to be fun.
A Celebration Of The Four Seasons
1991 | Runtime 60 Minutes
Enter a world of beauty, peace and tranquility, where Nature's gentle sounds of falling water, rustling Autumn leaves, and Spring song birds wash away your stress and worries! Delight in the vibrant and everchanging landscapes painted by all four glorious seasons, as only the Northeastern U.S. can offer!
Experience each season at it's best, in restful 15-minute segments, accompanied only by Nature's own gentle sounds, and Handel's COMPLETE WATER MUSIC! Pure and NATURAL relaxation, with NO narration or subliminal messages to interrupt your personalized thoughts and recollections inspired by this uniquely artistic video!
Videographer Jim Whitcomb combines his natural talent with influences of such time-honored painters as Andrew Wyeth and the French Impressionists, to create his own special and internationally-acclaimed video style! From sweeping vistas to delicate detail, this 60 minute video effortlessly transports you from one season to another!
Doctors, nurses, psychotherapists, teachers, students, business executives, and people just like YOU have all responded enthusiastically to this video, with words like "stunning" "relaxing" "a visual delight" "educational" and "stimulating!" So treat yourself, a loved one or friend to 60 uninterrupted minutes of STRESS REDUCTION AT IT'S BEST! Sit back, relax, and ENJOY!
You look like you need a break!
Why not clean the heads on your VCR!?
The Making Of Everest
1998 | Runtime 30 Minutes
Photographing the world's largest mountain in the world's largest film format demanded more than courage, it required dedication and purpose.
See how it was done and relive the events of those dramatic days when eight climbers from other expedition teams died in a sudden storm high on the mountain. See a behind the scene look at how the film crew launched a rescue mission and saved lives.
The climbers and film crew all wore Polartec fabrics on the mountain. Malden Mills, the maker of Polartec, is proud to present Everest and The Making of Everest to its customers worldwide.
This Special Edition features Aracelli Seggara in an exclusive demonstration of how the Polartec Body Climate System keeps you comfortable and allows you to perform at your peak.
It’s Branson
1999 | Runtime: 105 Minutes
Nestled in the beautiful hills of the Ozark Mountains, far away from the hustle and bustle of the big cities, lies a place of great beauty and splendor...a place you'll never forget. It's Branson, Missouri and you're going to see it all!
You'll enjoy Branson's greatest sights-amazing Marvel Cave, popular Silver Dollar City, The Branson Scenic Railway, beautiful Dogwood Canyon, historic Shepherd of the Hills Homestead, magnificent Inspiration Tower, picturesque lake Taneycomo, the unforgettable showboat Branson Belle-and more!
And you'll thrill to performances by Branson's greatest stars, including Andy Williams, Boxcar Willie, Mickey Gilley, Jim Stafford, The Lennon Sisters, The Osmond Brothers, Roy Clark, Ray Stevens, The Baldknobbers, Glen Campbell -and more!
So sit back, relax and get ready to enjoy the sights and the stars of America's favorite entertainment destination-It's Branson!
Well, that’s it for this week! I hope you enjoyed the tapes! If you’re looking for more, please check out my page on Archive.org for the full list of digitized media. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message right here or drop a comment below. If you haven’t already, please check out the one of my ocean-themed posts below, or all of my other previous posts here. Thanks so much for checking out this week’s edition of Diptych!
See you soon!
—Forrest
I would like to see the statistics on how many children die in the Forbidden Forest every year. Maybe it's not such a great system...